Why am I voting Remain?

So, It's been a while since I wrote, But I was prompted to write a post after being asked by a colleague, "Why are you voting Remain?!?" earlier today. Being the dyspraxic fool that I am, when I am put on the spot, my mind goes blank. I have many, many reasons for voting remain, but at that moment, I couldn't think of a single one.

However, I am lucky enough to be extremely good at communicating non-verbally, so, Dave, this is for you - my reasons (the important ones!) for voting remain - 

1) Economic stability

Everyone, on both sides of the debate, agrees that if we leave, there will be a recession. The debate is about how long there will be a recession for. A recession will affect everyone. Food prices will rise, wages will go down and jobs will become harder to get and harder to keep. The poor will become poorer and people will suffer. There is no guarantee how long it will last, and personally, I don't feel it is worth the risk.

2) Border Control

Border Control will be SRTONGER in the EU. If we leave, we will still have to have an open border police with the EU, just as Norway does, in order to maintain a trading agreement with the EU. We need the EU's trade - they are the people who trade with us most and if we lose that we will be even worse off.

3) EU Legislation

As I have previously mentioned, we will have to stick by the EU's rules in order to maintain a trading agreement - necessary for our economic wellbeing. This means that we will still have to abide by the EU's laws. the only difference is that we will no longer have a say in what rules and regulations are passed. Additionallly, in the eventuality that Turkey finally manages to pass all 35 conditions they need to enter into the EU (They've only passed ONE since 1987!) we will no longer be able to veto them. Just FYI, if we were to veto Turkey, that means that they cannot join the EU. all we would have to say is no. If we're not in the EU, we can't say no to Turkey, but we would still have to have open borders... See the problem?

4) Worker's Rights


The EU's laws protect things like holiday pay, sick pay, pensions, Maternity and Paternity pay, etc etc. While we are in the EU, our government cannot touch those things. The EU has raised our holiday allowance, raised our maternity leave allowance. The EU protects us, the workers.

5) The NHS

Currently the EU injects a huge number of workers into our NHS system. Without the EU we would not have enough Nurses, enough doctors, enough surgeons and consultants. Our own countrymen are not attracted to the profession due to poor wages and horrendous working hours. That shortage is filled by immigrants, immigrants that would leave if we were to leave the EU. This would result in a massive shortage and no one to fill the gaps.
On a side note, as EU citizens, we have the right to go to a specialist anywhere in the EU and be treated free of charge if our own country is unable to help us. Another thing that the EU provides us with.

6) Terrorism

Although we are not a weak and feeble little country with no friends, to leave a big group of strong countries while we are facing such a massive threat from so-called "Islamic State" is madness. It's like in a horror movie when the stupid blonde goes off on her own to explore the cellar.

7) Jobs

Over 3,000,000 jobs in the UK depend upon the EU. need I say more?

8) Holidays

Who the hell wants to apply for a Visa every time they go on a trip to France to grab some booze?!?

9) Immigration

No economy can survive without immigration. It fuels growth, creates jobs and feeds money into our society. Ever noticed that those people complaining that people "come over here and steal our jobs!" are those people with no education, a criminal record, and have been on benefits because of a "fall" they had 23 years ago? There's a reason they don't have a job, and it's not because of immigration.

10)  Lies

The Brexit's campaign of massive porkies make me feel that if we leave the EU and put our country into the hands of these imbeciles, we are dooming ourselves to failure. It only takes a quick google search to discredit the whole "£350,000,000 a week" lie, or "half-truth" and another to discredit the lie that Turkey are about to join the EU. In order to join the EU a country has to fulfill 35 "EU Points", as I call them. Turkey has been trying to join since 1987, the year I was born. Since 1987 they have only managed to fulfill ONE point. One point in 29 years. Sure Turkey is trying to join the EU, but at this rate, it will be 3031 before they are successful, and even then we can Veto them so they can't join anyway.

11) Morals

I strongly believe that we, as a country, are far, far better off than many others on this planet. We have the NHS, benefits, pensions, free speech, a right to marry whomever we want, votes for women, the right to choose a religion, hell, I'm even allowed to go to work without my husband's permission!
I believe we should be part of a group that protects human rights - a group WE set up. I believe we should be using our power, our strength and our influence to be helping others - freeing those who are trapped, saving those who need saving. Protecting the weak and innocent. The EU gives us the ability to do that on a far larger scale than we could do on our own. We can do more for the benefit of others. We can do so much to improve this world, but we can do more, together

So there you have it. my list of reasons for voting remain. I don't expect people to agree. I don't expect people to even understand or pay attention. I expect you to do only one thing - Vote. People died to give you that right, use it. Use the information that you have been given by both sides to choose the option that you feel most suits you. This is one of the most important decisions in this countries recent history - be a part of it, and be proud.

Ikea Should Come With A Health Warning

So, a few weekends ago I decided that I desperately needed to put up some shelves in my office. Emergency shelves. I was so desperate for some shelves that I decided that the next day the Fiance and I would make an emergency Ikea trip to purchase the emergency shelves before the world collapsed around me in a shelf-less mess.

So Sunday arrives and we find ourselves in Ikea Milton Keynes. As this was the second Sunday after New Year, everyone else also found themselves in Milton Keynes, looking for emergency shelves, emergency boxes, emergency Tupperware, every kind of emergency storage you can think of.

I had, perhaps naively, assumed that the average set of 6 shelves would set you back about 20-30 quid. after all, it's just a bit of wood and two brackets - surely £5 a piece is an average price for this in a place like Ikea, where they produce enough wood in a day to build an ark? But no. Eighty quid lighter, and after numerous debates about what KIND of shelf I'm looking for (I personally thought the clue would be in the word "emergency", as in, "I want to go in, buy a bit of wood and leave, sharpish") I eventually ended up with a rustic looking shelving unit.

Whenever the Fiance and I pop to Ikea we always go for a mooch around the "Bargain Corner". and thus far we've managed to find many things to spend money on that we would not have otherwise spent money on (Damn you, Ikea!) and this visit was no exception. Before we left Ikea we managed to not only buy emergency shelves, but we also bought the LARGEST wardrobe I have EVER SEEN.

Now, the Fiance does not drive a small car. It's not an estate, but I know for a fact that two grown adults can have a nap in the boot with the seats down at 4 am in a service station. I also know that it's bloody FREEZING - but it is possible.

I can also tell you that you should never, ever buy a large set of emergency shelving and a colossal wardrobe at the same time. It didn't help that it was raining buckets and the wind kept trying to blow the giant wardrobe into someone else's boot. While it was closed.

Eventually, after more swearing than I've ever heard in my life (and I saw Peter Capaldi in "The Thick Of It"!) the Fiance finally managed to get the boxes into the car. Looking pleased with himself, he gets into the car (which we'd parked temporarily in a nearby disabled bay as the packing of the car would take "five minutes" and it was closer to the door so we'd be in and out in NO time. 45 minutes later...) while I return the trolley.

When I return I get in the car, at which point the Fiance says, "You're going to have to do the handbrake and gears, I can't reach!" I look down and sure enough, the Giant Wardrobe is blocking him from any use of the handbrake. I look up and realise that I also can't  SEE him. He's just a voice coming from no where. "Are you OK with that?" Comes his muffled voice. I quickly realise that I have to be OK with that, as if I am not OK with that one of us has to get out of the car and wait to be collected at a later date, and that "someone" is me. And it is raining. Inside the car there are heated seats. Outside the car there is a hurricane.

Mind made up, I say, "Just tell me which gear you want it in and leave the rest to me".

An hour later, I'm not entirely sure how we made it home alive. I assume the trauma has made me blank the whole thing from my memory, although I have flash backs of a muffled voice yelling "FOURTH....FIFTH!" and going around many, many roundabouts.

After arriving home, the Giant Wardrobe stayed at the bottom of the stairs, where it remained for the next week. The bookcase was assembled and full long before the wardrobe made it upstairs.

Eventually, we decided to get the wardrobe assembled. There were four large, heavy boxes that eventually made it up the stairs, and in Box One were the instructions. To my horror I realised that there were 64 steps to this monstrosity. I saw hours and hours of work ahead of me, with no end in sight. The Fiance, on the other hand, takes one look at it and proclaims, "We'll have this up in an hour!". I think the shock must have temporarily made him lose his mind.

So, how many steps do you think we made it through before The Almighty Ikea-Related Row began? I'm sure you know the one. It's the row that every couple is obliged to have. It can happen on the way into Ikea; simply because you have to go, During Ikea; when one of you leaves the other for dead in the children's section, after Ikea; when you're trying to fit the bastard wardrobe in the car or during the Ikea Comedown; when you're trying to build that beautiful TV cabinet you bought and one of you accidentally puts the hammer through one of the side panels.

This row was the Ikea Comedown Row. We lasted 13 steps before it hit. It was like a storm that had been brewing for some time, it was fast and it was ANGRY and it was about what way up the drawer runners go.

It was days before we could face going back in and finishing the wardrobe. Flinching at every mention of the words "Flat-pack" and "Screwdriver".

Eventually though, we put on our big girl knickers and got down to it. Hours later (it DEFINITELY didn't take an hour!) we re-emerged - tired, but victorious.

Ikea, you lose.

An Easy Guide to Internet Dating

So, I’ve been with TSG for almost a year and a half now, and occasionally, we get the old, “How did you guys meet?” question fired at us. When I explain that we met on Plenty Of Fish or, more generally, “the internet”, more often than not people will then exclaim at how “lucky” I am to have actually met someone on there. They explain that they went online themselves and that no one would message them or that those that did were ugly/boring/crazy and/or desperate.

Therefore I thought I might give people out there a bit of a guide to internet dating for straight people, as everyone seems to be getting it wrong, and it’s really not that hard.

1)      Your profile.

Ladies – I’ll deal with you lot first. Your profile is too long. Men are not interested in what you named all 18 of your rabbits when you were five. They like it short and to the point. What you like, how you spend your spare time, what you do for a living. They also like it funny. For added bonus points, do NOT put anything negative in there – It makes you look negative and no one likes a negative person. No, “I think I’m ok looking”, instead put, “I’m an attractive woman who….” EVEN if you’re not sure. If you’re positive about yourself it encourages others to be positive about you.

Gentlemen. Your profile is too short. Women like to know all about you. They are VERY interested in what you named all 18 of your Rabbits. They want to know everything about you from the moment you were born. A short profile with nothing of yourself in it will not attract the attention of the woman of your dreams.

In reality all you need to do is look at a selection of profiles from people of the opposite sex – your profile should resemble these.

2)      Profile Pictures.

Again, ladies first. Your main profile picture should be a photo of you, ALONE. Absolutely NO group photos. Do you really think that any bloke is going to want to spend their time trying to decipher which person in the picture is you? “NEXT!”. Make life easy for your future man and get a pic of you alone. Second, NO SELFIES. These always looks so contrived and false, they don’t show you at your most natural, or at your best. And thirdly, NEVER have a photo of you not smiling as your main profile picture. You want to give the person viewing you a positive reaction, and when someone smiles it automatically makes others want to smile back, releasing endorphins which make them feel happy. That happiness will then be associated with you, encouraging them to contact you.

Gentlemen. The most common mistake you lot make is to take photos with your top off, or your hand holding your top up. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? Why the hell do you think a woman worth your time wants to date a vain, self-absorbed idiot? Nope. Remove it. Next, again with the group pictures. When I was online dating, if a bloke had a group picture I skipped it. Most other people do the same. Thirdly, no selfies. See above. And again, a smiling picture is more likely to get a response than a non-smiling picture.

3)      Contacting members of the opposite sex

One of the complaints about internet dating I hear most frequently are from women who say, “No one ever contacted me”. When I ask if they ever contacted anyone the answer is invariably, “no…”. Ladies, WHY are you waiting around for the man of your dreams to just… fall into your lap? Life doesn’t HAPPEN like that. For example, I contacted TSG first. I read his profile, I liked it, I wrote him an email. It is THAT simple. It’s not something to shout about, it’s not scary, and if they don’t reply, so what? You’re never going to meet this guy, he probably wouldn’t recognise you in a crowd, YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN. So get off your backside and get emailing; it’s worth it, believe me.

Gentlemen, Women will not email first. For some reason, they leave it to you to take the initiative. I’m not sure why this is, because then they complain bitterly when they get no responses and it makes no sense whatsoever.

Secondly (and gentlemen, I know you’re a bad lot for this but as women have never emailed me I don’t know if this is something that they do too) if you send us a message containing one word – “hi”, “hey”, “yo” or any derivative thereof – it WILL get ignored. This is because we do not know what to say back. Responding with “hey” leaves us both in the same position we were originally in and therefore we may as well not bother. In addition, if this is the best you can come up with on a first message, we may as well hold out for someone better equipped when it comes to imagination. The most imaginative opening email I received was from a guy who sent me a list of multiple choice questions, along the lines of “tea or coffee?” ranging from normal things (such as the previous) to some cheeky/funny ones such as “French Knickers or Thongs” (to which I replied that I prefer my men in french knickers as I feel that thongs make them look silly). Please note that if you intend to steal this method, it will NOT work if you push it too far, especially if the woman you are messaging does not find it amusing.

The messaging part of the conversation is the time where you start to cut away the people who are crazy/boring/slutty/whom you will just NOT get on with. Don’t expect every person who contacts you/you contact to be “the one” because nine times out of ten, they won’t be. There are far more people out there who are NOT good boyfriend/girlfriend material for you than there are perfect partners. These people will find others who ARE their perfect partners, as will you if you keep looking. It’s exactly the same as in real life. Not EVERONE you meet on the street is going to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend for you, so why assume the same with internet dating? That’s ridiculous. Therefore, keep an open mind.

Lastly, don’t get offended if people don’t respond. Sometimes people find it hard to say to someone, “I’m sorry but I don’t think we’ll click.” I personally made a conscious effort to do so, as I felt it was only fair rather than leaving people hanging, and I wished them luck on their search, but more often than not I received an extremely negative response to this as people took offense to what they perceived to be a rejection. I can therefore understand why some people do not respond to people they are not interested in. However, it is NOT an insult for someone to feel that they won’t get on with you. It’s actually ok. I’m sure you’ve met people who wanted to date you but you didn’t want to date them but you liked them as a person and didn’t want to upset them, it’s the same thing, but on the internet. They’re not saying you’re a bad person, or that they think you’re ugly, or that they hate you, they just don’t think you’ve got enough in common with them.

4)      Dating.

When you’ve chatted to someone enough to decide you want to go on a date with them, you STILL can’t assume they are sane or right for you. I went on dates with quite a few people from POF (the best of them are available as blog entries here http://abstracted11.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/so-i-totally-had-date-number-2.html, http://abstracted11.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/never-date-chin-snogger.html, http://abstracted11.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/my-foray-into-world-of-internet-dating.html, http://abstracted11.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/the-possible-end-of-era.html) and although one or two of them just turned out to be with gentlemen that, at the end of the day, I felt I would not be able to date through a lack of “click” or due to the fact that they were boring as HELL when detached from their keyboard-wit, many of them turned out to be crazy people masquerading as sane people. Do not just assume that because you got on online that you will get on offline too, because a lot of the time that is just not true. It takes a really, really special person to be able to get on both on and offline, and when you find someone that you get on with, who also gets on with you, you know that you’re onto a winner.

Do NOT give up after the first date-gone-wrong. It happens. A lot. But you can learn a lot from these experiences, about what you do and do not want from your future partner, about who YOU are as a person. For example, I learnt that I will not suffer a clingy partner who insists on texting every five minutes and panics if I do not have the time to respond. I will not date someone who accuses me of cheating on them before we’ve even been on our second date. I will not date someone who rings me up drunk in the middle of the night, or arranges to meet and then cancels half an hour before. I WILL date someone who is caring, witty, relaxed, patient, kind, thoughtful, exciting, who has the cheekiest, loveliest smile I have ever seen, and gets himself into trouble in almost every shop we go in to due to his innate naughtiness.

And at the end of the day, ladies and gentleman, that’s what you are all looking for. Your very own SG. And he or she is out there, but it is a case of being persistent and making sure that you’re getting what YOU want in a person. If it helps, think of these dates as being more like interviews than dates. You don’t have to let this person into your life, you don’t even have to stay to finish your coffee.

Second most importantly, if the person you’re meeting expects to go home with you, or take you back to theirs, get rid. They’re after one thing and one thing only. Unless, of course, you are too. ;)

But most importantly, if anything feels a bit off about the date, or the person you’re with, leave. You don’t need to make excuses, you don’t need to feel bad, just leave. Always make sure someone knows where you are and who you’re with. If someone is getting pushy with you to get you to go on a date with them, do NOT go (yes, it has happened to me and no I didn’t go). People will try to make you feel guilty and manipulate you, but your safety and happiness is far more important so don’t worry about it. As long as you’re careful you’ll be fine! And yes, boys, this means you too!

So, that’s about it. Good luck, have fun, and most of all, remember that this is about YOU.