Adam. He was a tall, blonde, skinny guy with a reasonable level of attractiveness, despite my aversion to blondes. He seemed shy, funny and relatively intelligent, although (as with all my men) he was a geek, and therefore he was also emotionally … backwards.
Anyway, we went for a Sunday Dinner at the pub, the food was good, the conversation flowed relatively smoothly, and unlike with Date Number One, I also found things out about him because he actually told me things!
After food we started meandering about in town, and I realised that I didn’t really want the date to end, so I invited him back to mine for “coffee” - although I did actually mean coffee.
Anyhoo, we ended up having “coffee”, and as my plans with a friend later that evening were cancelled, we had “coffee” that lasted the whole night. Turns out that he wasn’t very good at “coffee”, but I assumed that this may have something to do with the fact that the first time you try a new brew it takes time to adjust your taste buds.
Unfortunately I never got the opportunity to find out if my taste buds would adjust, as Adam turned out to be crazy number two.
After the night of caffeinated beverages he started to text me on a regular basis, not too often, but at least once a day. at first I thought this was quite nice, but after a while I noticed that every single text conversation was dragged around to being about sex. No matter how hard I tried to make the text that I sent completely devoid of any sexual reference material, he would reply with absolute filth. It was completely impossible to have a conversation with him. For example – a conversation about road names went thus: (Please excuse Adam's appalling spelling)
Adam – Ok, am looking in a street map we have a bonne lane &a raw dykes way lol
Me – Lol, I know!!! Raw Dykes is near me, hilair! :D x
Adam – Theeres a bell end 2 but the one in my pants wants ur cum on it x
Strangely enough, I didn’t reply to this. I mean, what do you say? “Well, that’s nice dear. How about tomorrow after some cucumber sandwiches and a toast to the queen?” And incidentally, I looked up Bell End in Leicester on Google Maps and apparently it doesn’t exist. So the whole conversation was a set up for that line – I would put money on it.
And then he started to get very manipulative. I had already noticed this when I had been going to keep the arrangements with my friend on the date night and he had started to sulk, luckily my friend cancelled so I didn’t have to start getting shirty with crazy number 2…
When I said no to something, he kept trying to push and push until I gave in and he got what he wanted. He used guilt trips and emotional blackmail to achieve his own means, e.g. threatening to stop dating me unless I said yes. although, what he actually said was “I guess I’ll have to go and take my bucket list with me then :”(” To which I replied, “Ooh, going anywhere nice? :)”
Naturally this resulted in a change of tactic, and when I eventually got shirty with him he told me he loved me.
This guy apparently “loved me” after one date, some “coffee” and one week. SCARYYY!!!
When we had first met up I explained that I was going to be really busy over the xmas period and probably wouldn’t be able to see him again until the new year. I was accused of avoiding him, not wanting to “keep him” and, at one point, cheating on him with one of my gay friends –
Adam – So u busy? Or you dumped me? Lol
Adam – So that was a one nighter then? :”( lol
Me – Lol, I’ve only just sat down. Went out last night spontaneously, as my friend Ben facebooked me and invited me. Went to bed at 7:30 this morning… Woke up with Ben on my sofa, comatose and then we spent the day gossiping like old ladies and recovering from hangover city! He’s just left now, bless him, looking ever so slightly worse for wear. I’m fucking knackered!
Adam – Bet you shags loads :( y didn’t you ask me 2party? :”(
Me – You shag loads who? Eh? I went out literally on the spur of the moment and Ben invited me, it’d have been rude to invite someone else to his night out! If I’d been organiser I totes would have. And I literally left 15 mins after I’d been invited, at 12 at night.
Adam – Bet you pulled? Lol aw I wanna be ur guy :”(
Adam – I’d come snuggle u but I don’t know where you live :( lol
Me – I really want to know what you meant by the shag comment.
Adam – Meaning I wanna be urs hope u aint doing others behind my back? As I crys loads :”(
Me – Look, I have never cheated on anyone in my life. And I am pretty fucking insulted by the insinuation that I’m the type of person to do that.
Adam – Ok soz hun was just checking :”( loves you :”( xxx
Adam – Soz hun am not a cheat either :”(
*At this point he actually sends me a text that has nothing to do with me either sex OR me cheating – a little bit of attempted manipulation methinks… I didn’t include it because it’s so random and pointless, especially as he follows it up with this…*
Adam – Didn’t wAnna hurt u just fink am loosing u or ur going off me? :”( xxx
Adam – So u don’t want me 4new year? :”(
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back really. I already knew he wouldn’t last long term and was probably just going to be a temporary feed for my “caffeine addiction”, but there was NO WAY I was putting up with this emotionally manipulative bullshit, the accusations after a week, and the constant filthy texts. YUCK.
So, on New Years Eve 2012 (the next day), I popped him a lovely little text and got rid.
Me – Ok, so I’ve been thinking about things. So far, in the past week, there have been repeated attempts at emotional manipulation, ranging from preventing me from meeting up with a friend, to attempting to get me to perform sexual acts that I do not want to participate in. Secondly I have found that I can’t have a conversation with you – everything ends up being about sex, and a friendship, let alone a relationship, cannot be built on that. Thirdly, we’ve been on one date and you’ve already said you love me twice, and quite frankly, that is scary. And fourthly, you have already accused me of cheating on you. That is mental. I TOLD you, before we first met, that I was going to be busy every day until around the third of Jan. I told you on our date that I wasn’t going to be able to see you until the new year. And yet I feel like I have been bullied and made to feel guilty about that same fact that I have already told you, on repeated occasions. Fact is, I don’t think we are right for each other. I wish you all the best for the new year, and hope you find someone more suited to you. Good Luck!
Adam – Wow hang on I was joking chill out! I no ur busy the cheats was a joke &as 4sending pics I wudnt let u I was just c ing what ud say u no like a test :( so stop being a muppet &get 2no me better :”(
Adam – Personally I think uve took everything 2seriously im not stopping u c ing ur mates I just said if u cud see me then do so b4 as4 sex they were just horny txts which I think you started?? *please note that I DID NOT start them, I didn’t even reply to any of them!* Uve got this all wrong but its up2u :”(
Adam – If anything I just wanted 2meet again just 2chat as I wanted 2get2no u that’s y I asked if u cud c me b4 or as u put it “a bulled guilt trip” *I think he means BULLIED*. U have issues with trust &people…. Im not at all what u described me am hurt &just wanted u2trust me….Take care I guess :”(
I am starting to get the feeling that all the men in Leics are mental. Every. Single. One.
Still, roll on crazy number 3, you may turn out to be a rich roast, full of flavour!
Having just had a conversation with my wonderful friend Sarah, she said that the fact that he can’t just be honest with himself about his weirdness/freakishness makes her want to punch him in the face. Repeatedly.
On the other hand, that is not what I found the most irritating thing by far. The thing that REALLY got to me about this whole thing? The fact that he can’t do crying faces properly.
WHY did he think it was ok to use speech marks instead of an apostrophe?!? IT’S NOT OK!! It’s wrong, morally and scientifically WRONG. It’s not even like it is HARD to put an apostrophe in its place. I mean, it turns this - :”( into this :’( which looks one HELL of a lot less stupid, and is DEFINITELY less irritating.
Does he think that it means he’s crying more? And also, why was he crying about such stoopid shit in the first place?!? All the man ever seems to do is cry!!! And he doesn’t even do it right!!!!!!!
Due to my rage about this, I am pretty sure that my MAIN reason for ditching date number two is because he didn’t do his crying faces properly…
:”(
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